not mine,

but my cousin's,

and somehow that was close enough

to confuse my heart.

It was weird,

I know.

But I was young,

and there was something about him

that pulled me in.

I don't know if it was love.

It wasn't even my first crush.

But it was something… special.

The kind that makes you

stand a little longer in a room

just because he's there.

I'd serve food for hours,

just to be near him

just to pretend it was all normal

while my heart played pretend too.

I always wanted to talk to him,

but the words never came.

Too shy.

Too insecure.

Too scared he'd laugh

or worse

just not care.

And when he spoke

not by chance,

but by choice

the silence I once feared

felt empty.

No flutter,

no spark.

Just peace.

I was already over him.

Strange, how it all unraveled

the hours I spent imagining us

dissolved in a single moment

of calm.

I was in ninth.

Still a kid,

but not his kind of kid.

To him, I was probably just a little girl.

To me, he had been a mystery,

a daydream I couldn't shake.

When I was over him,

I could finally talk to him

really talk.

It felt good,

normal, even

I liked that version of us.

But recently...

just for a second,

I felt it again

that flutter.

That old familiar ache.

And I chose not to listen to it.

I talked to someone else instead.

Because maybe some crushes

are meant to live in the past not

because they weren't real,

but because we outgrow the dream

and find peace in remembering

how it once made us feel.

-Hamsini Sarikonda

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